Music Friday!

This my first mobile blog! I am typing this from my iPhone, so please forgive my brevity and misspellings! Since I am unable to post a video, today's installment of MF is merely a recommendation. I recently fell in love with a song and have been listening to it on repeat. It is Star Mile by Joshua Radin. I can't tell you how beautiful the melody is, there are no words. Go find it. Buy it. Steal it. Listen to a free clip, just find it. You will not be sorry! Love and bear hugs. -Mandy

Indiana or Bust!

Welp, I got news. Most of you reading this already know, but I've accepted a job as the Editorial Director of Sunrise Greetings in Bloomington, Indiana. They are a subsidiary of Hallmark (my former employer) so I think that gave me quite an edge as a candidate. I leave Branson on Monday 10/5 (my friend Royal's birthday...must send card, don't forget). I'm looking forward to the new adventure. I love starting over. It gives me an overwhelming sense of clarity and forgiveness, like the beginning of a brand new school year. That was my favorite time of year when I was school-aged. New classes, new teachers, a clean slate. Plus, all those brand new packets of crisp, loose leaf paper...I mean, c'mon. I dare anyone not to derive secret glee from such a small delight. I am not nervous about my new job or my new city. I'm not nervous about finding my way around or making friends. I'm only nervous about the physical move, finishing packing and then unpacking my stuff, all the decisions about where to put things and then getting rid of all those boxes, Christ, if I never had to pack/unpack a house again, I'd be in heaven. Also, I'm not so much nervous but sad for Lola and the loss of her doggy door and back yard. I know she will adapt, but she loves her yard so much, I hate taking it away from her. She takes all her toys outside and leaves them under her tree. She suns in the grass in the middle of the afternoon, patrols the fence line and barks at critters. AND, most helpfully, when she has to do her business at 5am or some other ungodly hour, she lets herself out and back in. I'm not looking forward to the leash, not because I'm afraid of exercise, that part I'm excited about. I think we'll both get more. I hate being responsible for another creature's bodily functions. She takes forever to pick out a spot to poop, and it's infuriating (especially if I'm late for work, or it's raining/snowing/freezing cold). All that aside, I think our new life will be wonderful. I have a roomy 2 bedroom apartment at a beautiful complex with 58 acres of trails and streams and ponds and parks. They even have a fenced dog park ON the property, so I can take Lola there to run around and play fetch without a leash. I'm hoping to update this blasted thing more often. I failed my self-imposed "write every day" assignment, but perhaps I'll pick it up again once the relocation is complete. I am terrible at goodbyes, and I can't even process the sadness I feel about leaving my family and friends in Branson. I know I need to feel it at some point, but when I do, I cry. And I don't have time to cry. Plus, I feel very uncomfortable crying in front of people. It's all I can do to choke it back and keep packing. Speaking of which...back to work.

Music Friday, Alive and Kicking!

Finally, finally, finally...back to the grind. Last night on Sycamore Church Road I had to brake hard to avoid smashing into an owl sitting in the middle of the pavement. In honor of that and in remembrance of this cool video, please enjoy MAYBE SPARROW by Neko Case!

Tori Amos

Hello! Pardon my absence. When I realized that I broke my goal of posting every day, I got depressed and blew it off. But I'm back, trying. I realized last night that I'm a very different person than who I used to be. I miss my old self. I miss the me who listened to Tori Amos obsessively--I think some of her magic leaked into me and made me more creative, whimsical and intuitive. I think I convinced myself that I had outgrown the obsession, that it was weird and strange to be that passionate about a single musician. Also, I haven't really connected to her last three or four albums (I bought them the week they were released, don't get me wrong, but then I failed to listen to them enough to actually form a relationship with the music). Today, I'm giving myself the goal/challenge/task to finally get caught up, to listen to all the albums I've missed since I stopped being me. Maybe I'll find myself in there somewhere. I'll keep you posted.

Numerology

Someone sent me an e-mail about numerology, so I added myself up and here are the results. I'm a 26/8 -- the 2 & 6 represent the challenges I'm here to work through and the 8 represents my life's purpose. Here are the descriptions of my numbers:

2: Cooperation and Balance
The energy of 2s makes these individuals a source of strength, support, and cooperative service. But first they have to define their limits, boundaries, and levels of responsibility or they tend to overhelp and then withdraw. They need to avoid the extreme of servitude, which turns to resentment and resistance.

6: Vision and Acceptance
The vision of beauty, purity, and high ideals of those working 6 can be tainted by judgments about self, others and the world. Their purpose lies in recognizing the higher or transcendent perfection in everyone and everything, and aiming for high ideals while accepting themselves and others in the present.

8: Abundance and Power
Most 8s either strive for or avoid money, power, control, authority, or recognition. In this arena lie their greatest challenges and greatest satisfaction. They are here to master abundance and power by using them in service of a higher purpose, not as an end in themselves.

Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery interesting. I love stuff like this :) If you want to know how to add up your own numbers and hear the descriptions for them, send me a comment or e-mail and I'll send you the info.

Today is for writing.

Today, I am writing. Finishing up two new books for Hallmark and turning them in tomorrow. I feel a little distracted because for the past month, I've been promising myself that I'm going to weed my garden and detail my car. I've been putting those two chores off for four weekends in a row and now that I have a weekend full of writing obligations, all I want to do is be outside doing those chores. Life is funny.

Listening to Band of Horses, finishing up my morning coffee and thinking about taking a shower. I've been watching my parents' pup Sophie all weekend while they are visiting Nevada. She is a doll and has the best time playing with Lola. They run laps around the house, play chase, share toys and Bully Sticks (chewing treats...cured beef tendon, better for them than rawhide). It's adorable. Lola likes to nap on my bed, on her bed or on the couches and Sophie will only nap on the floor, pushed up against a wall or piece of furniture. It's cute how dogs have their own preferences and personalities, just like people. Lola snores, Sophie sighs. Lola watches you move about the house, Sophie follows you. Sophie is on alert at every noise, Lola rolls her eyes at the disturbance.

This is procrastinating. Need to get back to the books.

Foiled Again!

Yeah...totally skipped Friday. Whatevs. Intended to resurrect MUSIC FRIDAY but got sidetracked.

I started re-reading Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott this week. It's one of my favorite books, but the last time I read it was years ago. TRAVESTY. Within the first few pages I remembered why I love this book and why Anne is one of my favorite writers. Her style is so easy and effortless. It reads like a friend talking to you from across the kitchen table.

The book is a non-fiction account of her journey to faith. As someone who struggles with faith (in everything) I've decided that it's a book I should read at least once a year to remind me that I am not alone. In the first part of the book (page 9) she writes,

"None of the adults in our circle believed. Believing meant that you were stupid. Ignorant people believed, uncouth people believed, and we were heavily couth. My dad was a writer, my parents were intellectuals...we were raised to believe in books and music and nature."

This bit resounds so strongly for me because I feel like a lot of the people in my life who consider themselves to be intellecutals exude this sentiment. Like being an intellectual and being spiritual are mutually exclusive. That opening yourself up to the possibility of a higher power is for the weak and naive. And really, I think that's sad. The arrogance of athiesm is something that athiests fail to see. To be so blindly sure, to claim to KNOW that something IS or ISN'T the truth, that God DOES or DOESN'T exist seems like a detour, it bypasses faith. To believe is to FEEL that something is true without having concrete evidence that it IS true. And I'm cool with that. Life is too short to be such a hardass about everything. I strive to live my life with joy and gratitude, to seek out truth and beauty in everyday experiences and to love everyone and everything as I want to be loved. I don't always succeed, but I'm trying. I think people who get so wound up about being right are missing the point. I'd rather be happy than be right. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I'm growing. I'm learning. I'm trying to live righteously. Tomorrow is promised to no one, and if my life came crashing to an end, I'd feel fine because I know that I figured out that I'm not supposed to figure everything out. Life isn't about what you know but how you live. How you treat people. How you treat yourself. Every day has the potential to be the best day ever and it might very well be your last. How will you spend it?

Technicality

Ok, so OFFICIALLY, I missed posting on Thursday. Only took me three days to break my let's-make-a-habit-out-of-writing-every-day pact with myself. Since I missed it by like, 22 minutes, I don't think it counts. I'm not counting it. Here's my post for the day, it's not really a post so much as a general request for all men with delusions that they can pull off 'skinny jeans' -- DON'T. Just...don't. I mean, seriously, nobody wants to see those chicken legs so just put them away. All it does is make me think how nice it would be to fold you up and put you in my pocket, and I can't respect someone like that. Also, I know it's super trendy and hipster to wear tight clothes paired with GIANT thick-rimmed glasses, but this is NOT 1987 and you are NOT an extra on the set of Golden Girls, so give up the dream, fellas. That's all for tonight. PEACE!

Lola enjoys asparagus...

...and yellow squash. The reason I know this is because she was begging (barking and grumbling) at my feet whilst I was cookin' up some yummy veggies for dinner, so I fed her a piece of squash, which she chewed on, spit out, picked back up and devoured. Amazed by her enjoyment, I proceeded to giver her an asparagus tip, which she chewed on, spit out, picked back up and devoured. I was so tickled by her love for veggies that I just kept feeding them to her. All together, she had two pieces of squash and four pieces of asparagus. I think she deserves it...she got her rabies shot this afternoon and has been sleeping all evening. The squash was from my garden and it was deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelicious. I have two more little squashems growing. I check them every day and tell them to hurry up and get big. I have been very lucky (knock on wood) that Lola's curiosity for the garden did not show up this season. Last year she ate my jalapeno plant and a couple other things, but so far she's left everything alone this year. She is fierce and defiant when she wants to be. Just look at that snaggletooth!!!

Anti-Versary

It's officially been a year since I gave up television -- a year and eight days to be exact. I really don't miss it. The biggest physical difference I've seen is that my skin is better. I rarely breakout anymore, which I have decided is a result of getting more sleep, which is great for hormone levels. Ok, that's it. Just wanted to mention my television anti-versary. Time to weed the garden before it gets dark. That's not a euphemism, I really have to go weed the veggie garden.

Committment

It recently occurred to me that I've become so busy just getting through the day that I've stopped writing. That's a lie. It didn't recently occur to me. I've known it for a long time. My 10-year-old niece told me that it takes 21 days of doing something to make it a habit. I'm going to make a habit out of writing every day. It's weird, but as much as I want to consider myself a writer, I'll do anything to procrastinate writing. Once I get going, I'm fine. When I finish, I'm proud. It's the starting that stumps me every time, and not just writing assignments with deadlines, but journal entries, blogging, e-mails...any kind of writing. I watched a Biography episode on Hulu yesterday on the life of HST. He was the same way and his editor figured it was because Hunter was so afraid of the writing not being good. I wonder if I have the same fear. I'm ready to get my GONZO sword tattoo, but I'm not sure where I want to put it. I want to put it somewhere I can see it, like the underside of my forearm, but I'm nervous to get it in a place where everyone else can see it too. I don't want to have to hide it, and I feel like if I'm passionate enough about something to get it inked into my skin, I shouldn't give a flying flip what anyone else thinks about it, even prospective employers. We'll see. I'm not committing to this today, just the writing :)

Deer Meets Turkey

Short post, but worth remembering...saw a small doe and a wild turkey walking side-by-side in a pasture by my house today. Very cool. Can't we all just get along?

Things Fall Apart

It's been quite some time since I posted on this blasted thing. Time is funny. So is circumstance. I know there is a laundry list of lessons I am supposed to be learning during this trying time, but things are moving too quickly for me to process or reflect. Every day I am overwhelmed by base, child-like emotions until I take time to step back and remember that none of this matters. None of this is real. Everything I'm feeling is a byproduct of conditioning and culture and a fictitious sense of righteousness. My disappointment keeps me from being free. I try to live by the Four Agreements. I tell myself that I am writing my own story. I seek a greater purpose. I want to live simply and without fear or expectations. I struggle with surrender. I have trouble letting go. Spiritual sickness breeds morbid unhappiness. I seek a way to be centered. I need to find a place to level out. It's lonely in my head with nothing but perverse ideas and twisted games of obligation to keep me company. Sometimes I feel like everything I've been coached to believe is a big, fat lie. How do you free yourself to create something new unless you cut all ties to the thinking that keeps you in bondage?

two (crazy) bits

1. Found out that my cousin Paul is working as one of David Geffen's house assistants. How insanely cool is that? David. Freaking. Geffen. Paul was hired by an aging Portuguese woman who is in charge of the household affairs (hiring maids, cooks, butlers, doing the shopping, etc.) -- and she's training him to take her place so she can retire. Seriously awesome.

2. On the drive home from Nixa to Branson tonight, my brother decided to have some fun. He started accelerating, paused, looked and me and said, "Are you ready?" He then proceeded to kick it up to 140 MPH, smooth as freaking butter. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY, SMOOTH AS FREAKING BUTTER. Great googly moogly the Germans make sweet cars. I was so nervous I started to sweat and said, "OK. I'm done. Slow down." and started flapping my hands around as if I'd just seen something that made me feel squeamish. That's the absolute fastest I've ever gone in an automobile. Craziness.

I will post more about the Celine Dion concert and the quick trip to STL later!

Power Playlist

Ok, it's goofy but it's honest. Here are the songs I play every morning when I'm getting ready. They get me pumped up for the day and in a good mood. I've been doing it for a week now and haven't gotten sick of any of them yet. That's when you've got a good mix :) Enjoy and give it a shot.

Jump Around -- House of Pain
Walking on Sunshine -- Katrina & the Waves
Invincible -- Pat Benatar (Legend of Billy Jean, oh yeah!)
One Week -- Barenaked Ladies
We Didn't Start the Fire -- Billy Joel
What You Waiting For? -- Gwen Stefani
Everything is Everything -- Lauryn Hill
Only the Good Die Young -- Billy Joel
King Without a Crown -- Matisyahu
Let's Go Crazy -- Prince
A Change Would Do You Good -- Sheryl Crow
What I Got -- Sublime
U Can't Touch This -- MC Hammer
Good Vibrations -- The Beach Boys

:P

two things

1. I am getting fierce wrinkles around my eyes.

2. In recent years I believe I have developed a stress-related stutter. Either that or I've had it all along and not noticed and no one has said anything.

Am I going crazy?

-emjay