Gratitude

Rough day at work left me feeling like a whiny baby. Decided to start reading this daily meditation book that's been collecting dust for some time now. Today's entry was about gratitude and it was the answer to my bratty day. This is from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.

August 1

Say thank you, until you mean it.

Thank God, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow

Gratitude makes things right.

Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy. There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude's power. We can start with who we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its magic.

Say thank you, until you mean it. If you say it long enough, you will believe it.

Vegan Lent

Hello! It's been a really long time since I've updated this thing. Wanted to share my plan for a Vegan Lent. I told myself that when I got back from my birthday weekend in Florida, I would do a vegan detox (which I do every once in awhile to clear my system and hit the reset button, so to speak). Then I realized that it was Lent, so I decided to "go big or go home."

Mainly, I wanted to give up meat, because as tasty as it is, eating it conflicts with my values. I wouldn't mind eating meat that locally and sustainably raised (in good conditions) and humanely slaughtered, but for this exercise, I wanted to give it up completely. Giving up meat has never been a problem for me, so that's more or less the easy part here.

Now, cheese. Cheese is amazing. I love it. But dairy is one of the hardest things for your body to digest, and it's terrible for you. The human digestive system is not designed to process the lactose of other mammals. It's as simple as that. So, I decided to give it up FOR THE MOST PART.

I will not throw away any food that's currently in my house, because being wasteful also conflicts with my values. I will not purchase any meat or dairy products, but if I'm out with friends and cannot settle on a vegan menu item, I give myself permission to eat dairy.

I haven't decided about eggs yet. And I'm not getting all picky with gelatin and honey and all the other fru-fru details. And chocolate is OK once in awhile, but I won't buy it for my house.

So that's it! I'll keep you posted. Today is day three. Going well so far :)

-Mandy

Numerology

Someone sent me an e-mail about numerology, so I added myself up and here are the results. I'm a 26/8 -- the 2 & 6 represent the challenges I'm here to work through and the 8 represents my life's purpose. Here are the descriptions of my numbers:

2: Cooperation and Balance
The energy of 2s makes these individuals a source of strength, support, and cooperative service. But first they have to define their limits, boundaries, and levels of responsibility or they tend to overhelp and then withdraw. They need to avoid the extreme of servitude, which turns to resentment and resistance.

6: Vision and Acceptance
The vision of beauty, purity, and high ideals of those working 6 can be tainted by judgments about self, others and the world. Their purpose lies in recognizing the higher or transcendent perfection in everyone and everything, and aiming for high ideals while accepting themselves and others in the present.

8: Abundance and Power
Most 8s either strive for or avoid money, power, control, authority, or recognition. In this arena lie their greatest challenges and greatest satisfaction. They are here to master abundance and power by using them in service of a higher purpose, not as an end in themselves.

Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery interesting. I love stuff like this :) If you want to know how to add up your own numbers and hear the descriptions for them, send me a comment or e-mail and I'll send you the info.

Foiled Again!

Yeah...totally skipped Friday. Whatevs. Intended to resurrect MUSIC FRIDAY but got sidetracked.

I started re-reading Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott this week. It's one of my favorite books, but the last time I read it was years ago. TRAVESTY. Within the first few pages I remembered why I love this book and why Anne is one of my favorite writers. Her style is so easy and effortless. It reads like a friend talking to you from across the kitchen table.

The book is a non-fiction account of her journey to faith. As someone who struggles with faith (in everything) I've decided that it's a book I should read at least once a year to remind me that I am not alone. In the first part of the book (page 9) she writes,

"None of the adults in our circle believed. Believing meant that you were stupid. Ignorant people believed, uncouth people believed, and we were heavily couth. My dad was a writer, my parents were intellectuals...we were raised to believe in books and music and nature."

This bit resounds so strongly for me because I feel like a lot of the people in my life who consider themselves to be intellecutals exude this sentiment. Like being an intellectual and being spiritual are mutually exclusive. That opening yourself up to the possibility of a higher power is for the weak and naive. And really, I think that's sad. The arrogance of athiesm is something that athiests fail to see. To be so blindly sure, to claim to KNOW that something IS or ISN'T the truth, that God DOES or DOESN'T exist seems like a detour, it bypasses faith. To believe is to FEEL that something is true without having concrete evidence that it IS true. And I'm cool with that. Life is too short to be such a hardass about everything. I strive to live my life with joy and gratitude, to seek out truth and beauty in everyday experiences and to love everyone and everything as I want to be loved. I don't always succeed, but I'm trying. I think people who get so wound up about being right are missing the point. I'd rather be happy than be right. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I'm growing. I'm learning. I'm trying to live righteously. Tomorrow is promised to no one, and if my life came crashing to an end, I'd feel fine because I know that I figured out that I'm not supposed to figure everything out. Life isn't about what you know but how you live. How you treat people. How you treat yourself. Every day has the potential to be the best day ever and it might very well be your last. How will you spend it?

Committment

It recently occurred to me that I've become so busy just getting through the day that I've stopped writing. That's a lie. It didn't recently occur to me. I've known it for a long time. My 10-year-old niece told me that it takes 21 days of doing something to make it a habit. I'm going to make a habit out of writing every day. It's weird, but as much as I want to consider myself a writer, I'll do anything to procrastinate writing. Once I get going, I'm fine. When I finish, I'm proud. It's the starting that stumps me every time, and not just writing assignments with deadlines, but journal entries, blogging, e-mails...any kind of writing. I watched a Biography episode on Hulu yesterday on the life of HST. He was the same way and his editor figured it was because Hunter was so afraid of the writing not being good. I wonder if I have the same fear. I'm ready to get my GONZO sword tattoo, but I'm not sure where I want to put it. I want to put it somewhere I can see it, like the underside of my forearm, but I'm nervous to get it in a place where everyone else can see it too. I don't want to have to hide it, and I feel like if I'm passionate enough about something to get it inked into my skin, I shouldn't give a flying flip what anyone else thinks about it, even prospective employers. We'll see. I'm not committing to this today, just the writing :)

Thoughts on a Thursday

Sometimes I catch myself staring off into space--my head is not empty, it's overflowing. It's like my capacity to function is on lockdown while the spillway clears. I think too much. There's too much in my head. There are two ways of dealing with this--distract yourself with mindless things like videos of kittens on the Internet so that you don't have to deal with the chaos in your brain OR purge the chaos in some form of release. My release is writing but I don't seem to be drawn to it lately. John has given me some therapeutical assignments to vent my anger or frustration onto paper and I have been reluctant to do them. I think I'm afraid that if I really let go, if I really say everything I want to say the way I want to say it, something bad will happen. These assignments are just for me--no one else will see them. No one else will know the things I'm venting about, and yet I have procrastinated doing them for months. I have trouble letting go. I know this. I can see it. I can point it out. And the fact that I see it, know it, admit it and still cannot let go is my biggest challenge right now. I feel so stuck. I feel like I am about to burst, always about to burst and keep everything on lockdown, wandering around like a zombie because I'm afraid of being honest. I pray for balance. I pray that I can honor myself and grow and become decisive and independent while still holding onto my considerate nature. I want to find the balance between being selfish and selfless because I know that's where peace is. I want to take care of myself more and worry about others less. I want to stop being judgemental and putting labels on things and just live and be happy. I want to stop analyzing things and thinking so much. I want to start now.

writing...

So, I'm currently reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.  I am only a couple chapters in, and I find that I'm simultaneously moved and disappointed.  Moved because it is beautiful, simple, conversational wisdom that falls in line with EVERYTHING I believe about life and spirituality, and disappointed because I feel like it's a book I could have written, in very much the same style.  I guess my disappointment lies in the fact that it's taken me 28 years to finally realize that I don't really have any original ideas and that my writing style is not only popular but commonplace.  I guess if I want to start working on gathering my work to publish, I should focus on stories from my life that no one can imitate and derive from those stories the life lessons everyone else already seems to have a handle on.  They'll be written conversationally, with twinges of humor, but hell, it's a popular style for a reason right?  Cha-ching!  So, I guess that's a goal.  Sort of.  Goals have timelines though, so that's the next step.  That or figure out another way to be independently wealthy whilst steering clear of pyramid schemes, black-market organ harvesting rings and drug-runners at the Mexican border.  Not again, Tito.  Not again.